Fifty Five.

老爸,
the fact that i've been keeping quiet all along,
doesnt mean that im okay with all that is happening/happened.
it doesnt mean that i agree with what you've been doing/have done/is still doing.
you have no idea how much tears i've shed over you.
& in fact, i would say, for my 19+ yrs,
you were usually the reason behind my tears & sorrows..
i know you do love us a lot, i know you do dote on us.

but you just made me cry once agn.
& here i am, hiding in my room..
my cozy lil' haven; my protected zone.
cuddled up, & all alone,
just letting the tears flow,
without any control..

ive not cried for a good long time.
but once again,
(as usual) you broke the chain.
of course you were unaware.

no matter what we may have been thru over the years,
& also, the major change tt we're gna face in a mth to come,
you're still my man.

the man who has watched me grown;
the man who used to sit with me side-by-side in the living room,
watching me draw with all the crayons;
teaching me how to draw elephants right from the scratch,
holding my lil' hand & guiding me along;
the man who buys all my fav food for me;
the man who teaches me the moral values;
the man who never fails to reprimand me for all my wrongs,
just so that i can head to the right path;
the man who gets so worried when i fall sick;
the man who sees all the ugly side of me;
the man who praises me to his frns;
the man who encourages, motivates & supports me silently..

dad, i know you can see what im thinking.
i know that you know im hurt.
dad, it hurts me to see you in your state at times..
but dad, ive never given up on you.
no matter how much i've wanted to, at times..
dad, pls, dont make me lose my trust.
i still have faith in you..
but, this, will be the last time.
i'll give you time,
& you shall prove me right..

Dad, I Love You.

Fifty Four.

SHAN ESCAPED FROM HELL
& IS ALIVE & KICKING NOW!! :) :)

you have no idea how damn happy i am to have recovered
& to be fit & healthy all over agn!
GOSH. that was sure a scary incident & torturous three days!
once agn i hate hate super hate the weak feeling!
i love to be energetic like always and smile all i wna!!
okay i sound like a 15yr old kid.
but at this moment,
im just glad to be fit & healthy once more. :)
cherish your health. Health is GOLD, period.

hahahah. okay & yes, to add on,
im happy because i finally dreamt of silly c.ong after she left for a mth ++..
cheryl & chunho were like,
"why do you wna drm of her?!!!!!!!!"
but im seriously thinking......
why not?!
ive been waiting for her to appear in my drm seriously.
hahah. the fact that she left so suddenly,
appearing in my drm feels like a closure to me at least..

ANW, i dreamt of myself teaching her Maths. HAHAH
as funny as it seems, but,
that was what I always did way back in our lower sec. days..
yes. familiar.. just so familiar.
& that is why,
i woke up on Sat, with a sweet smile. :)

okay my uni mates are heading to BKK in Dec..
sigh sigh as much as i wna go..
it's 90% chance i wont be able to.
moneymoneymoney.
sucha pity.. much fun gna be missed.
it'll be much of an experience for me,
the frog in the well.
but its okay, i hafta place my priorities for spending money on..

long day tmr.
but im how glad to be able to rtn to pulau NTU!

Fifty Three.

could i have stepped on dirty things when i went for my jog on mon night?
it's the seventh mth..............
i've never fallen so sick before. never felt so weak before. giddyness for three continuous days already. feeling slightly better tdy, no longer as weak. but still, giddy.

im lagging behind for sch work. plus ive not been able to give tuition lessons for my two students. plus i cancelled my driving lesson, & yes i still had to pay for it despite cancelling it. parents wanted to send me to ttsh ytd night but i refused, for i fear those tubes being poked into me. yes, coward me. this mrng mummee wanted me to go Apex clinic but i refused because seeing doc for the second time means more money to be spent. yes, stubborn me.

spinning head still. lost 2kg in 3 days.
despite drinking damn lots of water ever since ytd night & eating lots of bread and sweet potatoes and porridge to replenish energy.
Health is Gold. period.

Fifty two.

weak. feeling damn weak nw. hate this feeling. didnt go to sch ytd & tdy.. headed to bed at 11pm on Tues. woke up on wed mrng feeling damn giddy & weak. slept the whole of wed away. waking up a number of times reply to smses, & also to eat/drink sth cause i thought it may help in regaining some energy. ended up vomitting them out. didnt even bathe. this mrng, woke up feeling v nauseatic still. finally got out of bed at 3+pm. supposed to attend this private event with James @ Ion. thought i'll feel better. bathed & spammed makeup on, cause i look really pale. left home to head to Ion. & then almost fainted at hse downstairs. headed back home. feeling bad now to ps at this v last min. really wish to go for the event with him too.. super guilty now.. but also feeling v giddy. gg back to slp now. hate this weak feeling. byebye ppl. pls take gd care & cherish your gd health. eat well rest well & most imptly, SLEEP WELL dont be like me

//edited:
back frm clinic. scary max.. was trying to eat dinner just now. sudd hands went numb. stiff. couldnt move at all. head went numb too. blood couldnt circulate. couldnt speak properly. couldnt control my tongue at all. for ten mins or so. finally went to see doc. he said dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to that. stomach got wind. asked me to avoid milk coffee tea milo. drank milk ytd night in fact. just took med. gna slp now. i wna recover by tmr. nights

Fifty One.

HELLO MY DEAR FRNS IM STILL ALIVE!
who still visits here, tell me tell me pls! <3 this blog seems dead i know i know. will update soon, abt the MSI Finals. so my past week was abt: school tuition school jp home school driving school home jog tuition club home cwp home that simply summed up my week, in chronological order. HAHAH

• study=notes+the freaking expensive & thick textbooks+readings

• jap lang seems fun albeit the weird looking characters for those
  A I U E O KA KI KU KE KO SA SI SU SE SO TA CHI TSU TE TO.
  trust me, there are pronounced this way :)

• first visit to Rebel + Zirca wasn't really good.
  Music was bad that day (according to tyc M & bron who went before) + bad crowd.......
  seriously i think i was the tallest lady that night (with the 4-inch heels). how how pathetic?
  i just wanted one last good one before i get back to my mugger world totally & just stay home all my wkn nights away............. looks like i need another good one agn ;p
  supposedly next sat but due to CIRCUMSTANCES, will postpone it.
  
  
• & thr are 2 sides to a coin...........
  i dont love clubbing but i dont hate clubbing.
  i like the music at times but i dislike the ppl thr at times. neutral oh neutral. just an excuse for some escape/getaway/fun/laughter/whatever you name it.
  sry, but i never fail to laugh at those fools/losers/desperate ppl aka despos, yes both guys and girls.
  
  & i always picture this scene:
  boy meets girl. girl smiled at boy. 25% chance. girl seduced boy. 50% chance. boy hooked up with girl. glued to each other (literally) at dance floor. boy happy, 75% chance.
  4am music off, lights on. girl winked at boy. 99% chance. girl left with boy. 100% chance.
  next day mrng, boy wakes up, satisfied. found that girl is gone.
  girl leaves a note which says, "Hi. Welcome to OUR world."
  boy had no idea what she meant.
  1 month later, boy finally understood. Or rather, the medical report allowed him to.
  he couldnt absorb that whole chunk of words.
  what he saw clearly was nothing but that "HIV Positive" words.
  Good Game.
  
  
  End of story.
  not very creative, because we always see these kinda scenarios on dramas/movies. but you think it only happens in dramas/movies?
  Think Twice.

OKAY, ive 2 more hrs of slp left. now it's Good Game for me........
NIGHTS.

Fifty.

No time no time! I NEEDA BUY TIME!
time to catchup with sch work i guess!
okay not guess. i hafta!

other than sch projects,
i'll hafta handle these commitments:

tuition lessons for 2 students,
driving lessons,
llabten(my netball club) trngs,
FSA-dance + sing (not sure? cause no news from Mr T for a mth alr!),
gna join the Young SWA soon, which means more voluntary work,
maybe umpiring? since i passed the Theory Test alr. dont wna waste $$$.

& then am hesitating whether to join any ccas this sem.
else im like super not active in NTU life except studying & more studying
which will make my uni life SAD!
most prolly will still play for Hall 7 Nball.

okay i needa get my case study done.
no time to update abt MSI'09 yet!
yes, it was over & done with ytd!

was a great great experience. :)
check out the photos.
BYE!

Forty Nine.

just popping by to gossip a lil!!

YESYES, hafta agree, she's really the epitome of a b****.
referring to THIS,
maybe i should take back my words regarding the nice part though.
i can sense you also buay tahan already.

not a bimbo for sure, cause she's not pretty at all.
(being nice here by not using the word: U-G-L-Y)
though she thinks she's hot................
oh, self-illusion you mentioned.
sucha pity!! a lady who speaks & writes so well,
yet doing all these "nonsensical" stuff just to impress a guy.

Bottomline is:
she thinks she's cool, but we all know she's a FOOL!

As most of you know,
I've always believe that if others treat me badly, i shld be even nice to them instead.
But still, there's a limit.

shucks. im downgrading myself too by bitching abt it + creating a new post just on this.
but it's okay la, i seldom do so.
she can have the honour of it. 8-)

Forty Eight.

SCH STARTS IN SEVEN HRS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
anw, i start sch @ 830am everyday from Mon-Thurs.
one gd thing is,
fri = NO SCH!
the only consolation?
But am sure projZZZZ will be occupying my precious Fridays very soon.

in any case, 830am lesson everyday.............
DONT PRAYPRAY.
which means my night owl life shld & MUST be REMOVED.
it takes me at least an hr to get to sch.
& the fact that the queue for Bus 179 can get from the far end all
the way til the MRT station,
it means that i def need >1hr to get to sch.
GOOD GAME.

& the dumb system/sch gave me my LAST CHOICE,
which is Astronomy for my elective.
& it's Prescribed Elective..........
initially i thought this elective sounds real interesting
& have heard many mentioning it too,
plus the exam = MCQs only.
but Leen took it during special sem
& said it's damn difficult with LOTSA memorising work to do.
she SU-ed it eventually...............

so i guess im still gna try to get my Jap Lang for elective
during Add/Drop period.
but then agn, language seems risky too.
HOW NOW BROWN COW?!!!!

OHYA. damnit.....
Shan is having more PINK stuff ard in the hse.
ZZZZ.
as most of you shld know,
i dont have a single pink clothing in my closet;
& come to think of it,
prolly none of my belongings is pink!
(except for orangey pink/purple-ish pink)
but not the PINK kinda PINK.
but recently,

1) ive an addition of a pink top & pink pumps
which was sponsored.........
& JINGJING said i looked quite good in pink actually.
*FAINTS*

2) the sponsored Asics shoes for the Sports Wear for MSI '09,
which we'll get to keep at the end of the day,
I WAS ALLOCATED THE BEIGE + PINK one.
ZZZZZ. though it's quite nice no doubt, but I'd love the green one...............!

3) my peranakan wear for the night will be in Pink too...........

im not complaining abt the sponsored items,
they are really nice in actual fact,
it's just that............
im really not used to seeing myself in PINK?!
hahah.

it's like SHAN vs SHAN/SHAN
the latter is better right!!! ;p

hahah alright gna iron my formal wear for tmr's shoot
for our portfolios for all yr 2s.

rehearsal everyday since Sun(ytd) til Fri,
all the way til estimated 11pm everyday,
@ SWA which is at SERANGOON.
luckily it ended earlier tdy, hopefully next few days too ;p
& then.......
MSI'09 Finals will be on this coming Sat,
15th Aug. :)

P.S I wonder if the Bintan trip is still on?!

actually, I've already realised what I should have done
& what I shouldnt have allowed myself to.
but somehow, The Heart pleaded with The Mind,
to give it some time to prove myself otherwise,
to prove that The Mind is wrong this time.

but the past week, has made it even clearer than ever.
but The Heart is still silently hoping.
prove me wrong, will you?

Forty Seven-Part 2

Sun:
(okay, it's 5am alr. will continue uploading the pictures later this afternoon..)

Headed to Spore Int'l Jewellery Show @ Suntec Hall 402-403
with a few MSI ladies..
It was a Networking Tea Party kinda thing for us.
Definitely an eye-opener for me..
as you guys know,
i dont come from a well-to-do family,
my parents arent the high-educated ones,
dont get me wrong! i dont mind, & im not complaining at all. :)
so anw, tt explains why I've never had a chance to attend such events before.
so yea, we were welcomed with a Brands' Bird Nest each. hahah.
listened to a Peranakan Jewellery talk,
then headed back to the lounge,
had some light finger food (which taste q nice ;p)
& in conclusion, there wasnt much networking done. -.-

it's.... mineral water. high crass you see.....

The few of us who went
Katharine & Paige




then, we had to leave early & rush to Telok Blangah for our Deportment Class.
& agn, this class was another eye-opener for me.

Anw, this year's contestants are all beautiful ladies.
Trust me.
If you know me well, I dont speak fake words for the sake of saying.
& quite a number of them had taken part in several pageants before,
& won some awards & are very experienced :)
which also explains why I cant help but to feel inferior.
totally.. but, its natural to feel so, isnt it?

Coach Luke is an interesting speaker..
& for this first lesson,
he gave us pointers individually.

so for me,
he told me that if I were to notice,
all the winners from pageants have long hair,
which I had to agree.
& truth be told, out of the 14 finalists for MSI 09 this year,
am the only short-haired one............
so, he suggested that I can go for hair extension..
& then, he also suggested that I dye my hair,
which I already planned to do so too ;D
& to wear enhancement contacts......
(small eyes, what to do?!!!!)
okie, am most prolly gna get the contact lense. :)
his lesson was useful of course.
& the next session will be on National Day..

I seriously need $$$.
there are some other stuff which I needa get too..
(ask me, & i shall tell. HAHAH)
i dont wna sound bimbotic here,
but i do need to stock up on my make-up stuff too..
& the usual facial pdts..

sigh. how ironic.
how i used to always nag that
I HATE TO PUT ON MAKE-UP & I PREFER THE NATURAL LOOK blahblahblah,
but now, im like forced to use them almost everyday........

& ya, currently, Shan is damn disfigured.
My smooth skin is gone..
(refer to my previous post)
now my right cheek has a few reddish spots,
which just happened out of nowhere,
whr the skin just PEELED.
& many small spots all over the face too.
oh dear.. pls recover quick.
or shld I see the doc?

In any case,
for the first time this year,
i actually KO-ed @ 8+ pm!!
after I sent the msges to my girls for not being able to go for the
bball session @ Khatib,
I just fell aslp,
with a heavy head that was spinning, literally........
woke up @ 5+ to remove my contact lense,
brushed teeth, off com,
& headed back to slp......

Mon:
headed to Moephosis @ JooChiat Road,
for our Peranakan Fitting.
it was actually a very quick session!

COOL!


Nyonya Paige

love this pic!
she looks really good in this outfit!


the 2 skinny ones with GREAT figures
Annabelle

hahah. headed back to payalebar mrt with my dear Paige.
& we bought our beloved Mr Bean.

did I mention that ive been having it almost everyday?!
the same Pearly Icy Soya Milk with the pancake ;D
its prolly a bad good thing they dont have Mr Bean @ Marsiling/Wdls
else I may end up buying it 2-3 times daily HAHAH
ohya, now the pearls are RED in colour,
in support of National Day.
HOW CUTE?

Tues:
which is tdy..
gna be a long day too.
Will update agn.
:)

Updatesupdates!

Tues:
went for 4th driving lesson;
Tuition @ home for Steph;
workout @ gym!
fulfilling day ;D

Mr L, my instructor went to the washroom......
so here comes the cam. i dont get to sit at the driver seat often you see!

Wed:
headed for evening gown fitting @ Yvonne Creative,
at TanjongPagarRoad.
while waiting for Rocher, headed to grab my Mr Bean. ;D

mine was a simple yellow one. :)
while Rocher's was a sexaey & hot red gown!
she looks stunning in it!!

OHYA. Coach Luke also mentioned,
the Queens are usually very fair......
he advised that its either you get really fair, or really tanned.
obviously thr's no way I can get real fair in a wk's time.
SO, obviously, am gg for the latter.
trying to get darker.......

This was taken during Sports Wear fitting q long ago

next headed to the clinic as recommended by Rocher.
reached thr only to realise tt it aint a skin specialist clinic..
but consulted the doc anw.
he didnt even tell me what's the condition.
gave me the cream to apply.
oh well, just hope the cream works really well........

concealer is now my best frn. :(
how bimbotic.
no way its gna heal with all the make up spammed..
sigh what to do?

& NOW........................

ending off with my new look........
& she's Nicole, my hairstylist since sec 2!
6 yrs alr!

so as I was saying, I allowed her to 自由发挥,
as usual.
& this time, she cut bangbangBANGS for me.
HEY YOU!
DONT LAUGH TOO LOUD OVER THR.
i like it quite a lot cause my fringe looks more volume now.
not so bald anymore.

OKAY! FINALLY DONE WITH THE PHOTOS!!
More photos @ FB- MSI & AINB gathering

//Edited: Forty Six.- Part 1

BLOGGER IS FINALLY OKAY FOR ME ATM!!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!
I CANT POST PHOTOS YET CAUSE I HAVENT
TAKEN THE CABLE FROM MY SIS!
zzzzzzzzz. okay so its gna be a wordy post for ya'll. ;p

had a fulfilling wkn!!

Sat:
visited Moral Home @ Eunos,
tgt with the other MSI ladies.

I've always wanted to get myself involved in voluntary work,
but never had the chance to,
until I entered uni,
where I joined the WelfareServiceClub(WSC).
[despite getting the laughs from my close buddies! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! ;p]

& this time, at the Moral Home,
it was yet another kinda experience for me.
Too bad it was only a short 2 hr,
& we didnt really get to interact much with them,
except for the Lion Dance performance by them,
[which was fantastic, no doubt. ]
& when we served them lunch.
managed to talk to some of them,
& the photo-taking too.
I wont be posting any photos with the beneficiaries,
because this is to protect them.
Fortunately I know abt this kinda issue from my WSC event,
& clarified with Candice(from SWA) whether im allowed to post the pictures..
Yup, & the ans was no.
Nevertheless, it was a gd experience. :)

Lion Dance Performance by the beneficiaries!

Ashley
(yeayea, me with my plaster to cover the hole......)Shine & my dearest Paige.
Girl, you know im how glad to have you tgt wimme. as i said, it just feels much more comfortable with you ard me & we have much in common. :) our thinking, feelings, actions, likings, food, etc etc.. (including gossips.. OOPS. its just true tt we can be open to each other & say anth w/o any fear )
President for Moral Home
XianLi & Evon
Rocher
she gives me a really nice elder sister kinda feel :)
Ashley & Paige

Annabelle
a beautiful lady.. she just has the 气质！
Katharine & Sophia

Next, headed to AuntMary's hse @ Chai Chee,
which was nearby.
my BB headed thr for the first time too..
love her much.
really cant wait for her to grow up..
i wna teach her so so many things!
i wna teach her ABC,
i wna get her to be active in sports too!
nball, swimming, running, badminton, etcetc!
i wna bring her to shop for cute cute toddlers' dresses.
i wna my princess Kait to become an all-rounder! ;p
she's sooooo adorable, esp with her DOUBLE CHIN now!
HAHAHAH!
but BB, pls be guaiguai.. dont keep crying.
& make everyone worry..
else YIYI will smack your buttock already ah!

Next!!!!!
MET MY AINB LOVELIES. :)
yes, it was another gathering!
cause Est just got back from USA!
Steamboat agn!
this time @ Bugis,
i found the place & made a reservation for 10.
(in the end thr was a total of 11 of us!)

first, abt the food.........
The tomyum was nice!
the prawns were q fresh & great!
THE FISH WAS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!
anw, the last man standing was once agn.........
ME!!! tgt wimme this time, thr was TING!
Amily shall be the 1st runner-up,
because although she ate for v long,
she ate so slow! which means to say, she ate much lesser.
surprisingly, lun was the second runner up only!! ;p

Meisui ChenLi Joy
No, Wylie didnt put the 2 cans in her bag. no she didnt...... LOL
The nice tom yum!

While others were busy taking the food once we reached,
these 2 were the first that i took.
OF COURSE MUST HAVE MY CHILLI PADI RIGHT!
but i didnt really use it eventually ;p

secondly, back to my girls.
5-7yrs back(cause of the diff batches)
AINB(AhmadIbrahimNetBall) brought us all tgt.
with the same passion, same vision, same mission,
same dream, & the ultimate goal,
we fought hard & went thru a lot tgt. :)
now, despite the fact that we've all grown & matured,
im sure that AINB still remains in a special corner of our heart.
we used to play, eat, sing(yes, we created our own AINB song & PLEDGE)
, talk, shit nth but AINB.
the memories we forged tgt, is sth which can never be erased off easily.
a simple gathering like this, small catch-up sessions,
make a whole lot difference..

credits to min once agn, for initiating the gathering. :)
min, you know, i know, we both know. *winks*
a pity that Jesley couldnt join us for the steamboat due to work,
& DUE TO THE FACT TT IT CLOSES AT 11PM
(prolly the only minus pt for the place)
& had to make do with MOS Burger instead.. hahah.
(pictures to be up tmr!)

Joy Meisui ChenLi Est;
Les Min Amily(DONT KNOW LOOKING @ WHR/WHAT)

Les Min Amily Est
UGLYPARTINGME meisui est joy
tt's Wylie with the DSLR & Lun with a bright smile
Meisui & Joy
(FYI........ Shan is now with bangs...... & i just realised its q similar to meisui's. we can now be triplets. stay tuned to see my new look. HAHAH)
Jesley & her long lashes for the day ;p
Min & Amily
Amily
you know I still love you, as always :)

ChenLi


This is just the first stage of the spastic us,
continue browsing.. i promise the more interesting ones are coming up!

Wylie, my buddy. HAHAH RHYMES LEH.
she always knows the right stuff to say, at the right time.
never fails to bring in a glimpse of light on my gloomy days :)

The 2 best frns both swayed their heads to the same side!
when Wylie became Stranger A
oh, we are a bunch of qualified drama ppl too.
Jesley, my daily sms khaki :)
we just go on ranting & COMPRAINING non-stop to each other..
hahah.
Our sms can go like this:
Jes: "im drinking milk tea everyday even though now i think bb tea also not tt nice.. blah3"
& then i'd reply: "walao my face really gone case. i wna go see doc alr.. blah3"
totally different topics, but we can go on forever. ;p
Min, my other khaki, who never fails to make me laugh at 12+am......!
& yes, we always blabber random stuff too :)

My buddies, who've been tgt wimme since 7yrs back! (& still counting!)
Okay, get ready for more spasm of us. uh wrong word used? ;p
Act yi ge serious.......
Lun. look what intensive trng did to her! ;p
anw, i know you've been busy with trngs & more trngs,
add oil for your upcoming trip to the i-forgot-the-name-of-the-island!
you know ting & I are always here to support you in your nball path :)
more to come!
(walaoooo i really dont know why you sudd do this octopus stunt!!)


CLASSIC. LOOK @ LOWYILUN!
she won me in being the most retarded alr! ;p
act yi ge.. visually handicapped.
ting = FAILED.
Stomache.........
when someone beside you is.... smelly.
act yi ge.. autistic..
(okay, we were purely bored. no intention at all to make fun of ppl with disabilities or any sort.)
I FORGOT WHAT WAS THE THEME FOR THIS.
but in any case, for this: shan = FAILED.
refer to the pic after this, & you'll know.

tt's all folks!
the full album will be uploaded to FB
(Have been trying to upload since 11pm &
it kept saying Upload Failed, for the 66666th time)

Sun onwards:
TBC(To be continued..)
:)