Time for some
reflections?
After a whole month plus of hectic, but definitely
enjoyable mth,
It's time for me to stop, & just reflect.
Well, the past month had been a real happy mth for me I would say.
Idk why, but it just came so naturally,
the light-hearted kinda feel, was simply great.
So much so that June seemed to have just zoomed past me, unknowingly.
Good or bad? I don't know.
Good, because the series of events put my mind off certain issues.
Bad, because I've neglected the reflections part..
I'm someone, who'd usually think abt the particular day's event, before finally shutting my eyes to slp. Prolly one of the reasons why I usually end up not being able to fall aslp? hahah.
In any case, I'm too lazy to list out the series of events which happened,
some of which I would have probably blogged abt them,
& some, which I didn't.
Not that they're not of significance, but rather,
they're more private,
& thus, meant to be shared with just the closer ones. :)
Family issue, shall not be shared here,
with the definite possibility of having strangers popping by this virtual space of mine.
Have told my closer khakis & buddies, & also a few gd frns whom I felt comfortable talking to.
Thks, for lending me your ears. :)
In any case,
if you know me well enough, I'm one of those who'll rather listen to what others have to share..
Most likely one of the hindering factors to my r/s in any form.. (yes, including frns & family)
I've always believed that I don't have much interesting stuff to share,
& that I'd rather hear the other party out..
& so, with this, I know it's gna be the major factor why I cant picture myself
moving on to a closer/higher level of thinking with a significant half.
I don't know.
Sometimes, I feel that actually I do talk a lot & I do share too much,
& then when I realise that, it's when I'd start refraining myself once more.
I've always wondered what do couples do tgt during their dates,
how do they manage to spend so much time tgt,
most importantly,
why do they have so much things to talk about,that they can go on for hours & hours, for mths & yrs?!HTHT sessions? are there really so many things to share abt?
You get my drift?
It's like, I just cant picture myself being in it.
I'm definitely not one who can chat on the phone for a long time.
Surprising huh? A perceived sociable & usually chatty person like me?
Because if you realise, the things I talk abt, are usually craps..So anw, my longest phone chatting khakis would def be Ting, & Kel (back in JC times?)
I'm afraid of awkward silences.
& I don't like the idea of boring others with my words, unknowingly........
& so, when frns approach me regarding r/s issues,
I may be able to give you the best advices,
the most honest answers & all.
Talk is cheap?
Maybe, to a certain extent.
Because frankly, none of my r/s lasted more than 3 mths.
So I honestly do not have much experiences to share.
In fact, I remained single for four years until the beg of this year,
where I got attached to R once more (if you count in that sec 2 puppy love kinda r/s)
& ironically, with the years of feelings, this r/s lasted for a mere 2 mths.
Ask me, & I would say that I'd consider this as my very first serious r/s.
Serious in the sense that, at the age of 20 (19+?),
the way you handle r/s is definitely so much diff as compared to when you're
14 or even 16.
Your thoughts, your actions, & your words certainly differ.
& I would admit, the initiation of the break-up came so sudden to me,
that I completely lost myself for that period of time.
Cliche/Dramatic, whatever you describe it as.
(No suicidal thoughts at all though. Thank goodness.)
That, was the very first time I realised,
how terribly it hurts to realise how much you really love someone,
& how deeply you had actually fallen into the r/s, unknowingly,
ONLY when everything's simply too late.Timing, is impt.
I would say,
The right feelings, need to be felt at the right timings..
The thoughts, need to be expressed at the right timings too.
Once you missed it,
that's it.
& as I was telling this frn of mine (identity remains undisclosed :) ) ytd,
"
if you really think she deserve someone better, & you still love her alot. you can always be the better one. why let someone else be the better one for her?"
"
ultimately, i believe it all boils down to whether you still feel it for her. whether you yourself wna this r/s back, to move a step further.. whether you still love her as much as the v first day. feelings may still be thr, but not as strong.."
"yup, so i guess that was the leading factor at the end of the day. cause usually its cause of this, then ppl will start coming up with reasons/"Evidence" to support themselves that this shld end."
Whether it applies to my case,
only he will know.
& thr is no need for me to find out now.
What's the pt, right?
In any case, we're still frns now.
But inevitably,
not like gd frns as before.
& in my
recent entry, I've mentioned how clear my mind is now.
Which goes to show that I've completely moved on.
"Move on", the two annoying words which I've heard how many times
& became numb to it,
& refused to accept during that period of time,
where I was totally not myself.
No doubt, that lil' bubble still pops up
oftenly occasionally now,
questioning myself,
whether I still miss him,
whether I still miss us,
whether I still care.
Answers to this? Love, is a strong word to me,
& shld never be misused.. unless you really meant it.
Else, it just loses its meaning.
Well, it's not gna be easy for me to love someone once more.
For that barrier/wall within me,
aint gna be overcome easily by just anyone.
I won't let anyone in, unless I'm
certain of him.
Certain that he's serious abt the r/s,
certain that he knows/utds me well &
accepts me for who I am, what I do & what I believe in.
FYI, I'm rather
old fashioned when it comes to certain issue,
I do have my own set of beliefs which I'd wna cling on to.
All in all, I'll just need someone, who is sincere.
Sincerity, is what I value.Sweet talks never do work on me.Why so serious? Some may ask.
Because I do not go into a r/s for the sake of going into one,
so as to boast abt your "records".
Right person, wrong timing & wrong person, right timing.Im not looking fwd to either of these 2.
Regardless of how lil' faith I may have in love r/s,
I still believe in meeting the
right person, at the right timing. :)
& knowing that I do have other things to focus on at this moment of my life,
I believe that this aspect, will come to me naturally.
& when it does, I'll try to grab hold of it.
I've learnt, & I'm still learning. :)
