f Six Hundred & Seventy Two; 3 more things I have learned from LDR.

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Six Hundred & Seventy Two; 3 more things I have learned from LDR.

October 25, 2014 / ,

Photo credits to: Jonathan Raedeke

It has been approximately 1.5 months since the LDR began.
(6 stages of LDR & 6 essential tips: HERE)
Has it been all bright and cheery thus far?
Not exactly; but it has been good in general. :)
Except for a minor conflict that happened.
Well, ups and downs are inevitable!

Due to his busy schedule, for the past 1 month, 
our talk-time has been reduced to 5-15 minutes each day,
with a few exchange of sentences over Whatsapp/Between.
And that 5-15minutes managed to happen,
because I stayed up til 4-6am almost everyday,
just so that we could get to talk.
(7 hours time difference! It will be 8 hours soon.....)
I felt okay with it on most days,
but on some days.. it just didn't feel okay.
As much as I reminded myself constantly,
there were a few days when I allowed my emotions to get the best of me.
I attributed it to PMS (well, that's the best excuse for ladies right??),
but at the same time, I knew I should have controlled my emotions better.

We had a minor conflict which lasted for almost 2 days.
The longest ever for us!
Back in Singapore, we would usually talk things out immediately,
and resolve the issues face-to-face within an hour.
With this distance, it just became.. different.
So anyways, I was feeling down and really vulnerable one day,
and at that moment, 
I just felt that not only was he not patient & understanding of the situation,
I thought he was also not supportive and mainly, I could not feel his presence..
(But to be fair, he was really packed that weekend!)
It honestly felt terrible to not have your partner there for you,
when you needed him/her the most..
Still getting used to this.
Not easy, but definitely manageable.
Thankfully, we worked things out,
& from that incident, we understood each other better, at a deeper level. :')


Photo credits to Jonathan Raedeke

3 more things I have learned from LDR:


1. Relationships require constant time and effort
No matter how long we may be together with our partner, 
or how long we know them (this is the 16th year of buddyship for us!),
there will always be new things that we learn about our partner, and ourselves.
We cannot assume that we know EXACTLY what he/she is thinking,
because we know him/her very very well.
We cannot assume that because he/she loves us,
he/she will know.
Truth is, we all change over time.
While some things will remain the same,
some of our likes and preferences do change over the years.
Assumption kills!
Sometimes, after being together for long, things may become stagnant.
Sometimes, we may be overwhelmed by the daily grinds in our lives,
and forget about instilling romance in our r/s.
Put in time and effort, and find ways to spice up and strengthen the r/s!
Build a deeper connection, constantly.

2. Distance forces us to be really open with our partner
When words are all that we have,
we need to rely on them fully, to communicate effectively.
At the same time, we need to be in touch with our emotions, 
and learn how to share them with our partner,
Not just the senseless blabberings/rants, but the sharing of emotions in a way 
that will help both parties to understand each other better, and strengthen the r/s.
Sharing your thoughts/feelings do not necessarily lead to drama.
Drama happens when you suppress those thoughts/feelings for too long,
and one day, you explode.
And you start blurting out all the hurtful words.
That is when things get really nasty.
Get my drift?
It is very unhealthy that way..
So instead of hiding those thoughts/feelings for fear of making your partner angry,
learn how to express them appropriately,
and engage him/her in your thoughts.
I thought le buddy and I were already very open about our thoughts/feelings,
but I realised that being miles apart, it forces us to reach an even higher level of 'openness'.
As I mentioned, there are always new things to learn.
I learned new things about him, and myself.

3. Learn to manage your own expectations
It is normal to feel disappointed 
if your partner does not act according to your expectations,
but it will be unfair if you remain angry with him/her 
just because he/she does not do/say what you expect him/her to.
It is okay to voice out your disappointments,
so that he/she will know what is bothering you,
but at the same time, you must listen to your partner's point of view too.
Express your expectations and discuss about them.
Listen to your partner's expectations too!
Most of the times, we have expectations
and we assume that our partners will know about them.
No matter how well they know you,
you cannot assume that they can mind-read you all the time.
(Back to point 1.)
We do not have to agree to each others' expectations,
but we should understand what they expect.
Things will not go as we plan all the time,
so instead of remaining frustrated at the situation,
accept that this is how life works,
and learn to deal with our own expectations.
Make sure that the expectations are realistic to begin with.
Managing the relationship expectations will free us
from unnecessary emotional upsets or frustrations.
In addition, it will help to keep the relationship healthy
and both of you will also be happier.

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Anyways, few days ago, it was our anniversary :)
When the clock hit 12, he facetime-d me.
I was pleasantly surprised,
& literally grinned from ear-to-ear in the supermarket
(yes I was doing grocery shopping at that hour. hahah.)
That joy.. was simple yet indescribable.
To be frank, I was sad that we could not spend the anniversary together this year.
Yesyes, we do not need anniversaries to feel special, blahblahblah, 
but anniversaries still hold special meanings to me, and will always be.
I managed to feel better soon after, 
because I had faith, that we have many more anniversaries to come. :)
No matter how terrible it feels to not have him with me,
especially on days when I need him the most,
I know that at the end of the day, I will be fine.
No matter how exhausting this is, I know it will be rewarding as well.
This distance will be worth it.

Miles apart, but always in my heart. :)

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