f Six Hundred & Seven; 2013, thank you for helping me grow.


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Six Hundred & Seven; 2013, thank you for helping me grow.

December 31, 2013 /

Was contemplating for a long time whether to do this "Thoughts about 2013" post.. 
(actually I've kinda blogged about it quite recently: Here
mainly because i felt that there were no great achievements worth mentioning this year..

You see, if I think about 2012, I would have at least 3 significant events to mention:

1. Getting my heaviest role thus far (for It Takes Two, 对对碰)

2. Taking part in Miss Singapore International Pageant & 
clinching the 2nd runner-up + Miss Elegance 
(go on, laugh at me. Elegance.. me.. elegance...... HMMM. 
I guess I acted elegant enough that day. hahahah)

3. one of the final contestants for New Paper New Face

I had to squeeze my brain juice, browsre through some old photos and blog posts, & 
thought really hard to think of some relatively significant happenings. 
Was it THAT bad? hmmm.. maybe not THAT bad, 
but it certainly didnt go according to my plans or what I had hope it would be like. 
At the same time, I know that exactly because it didnt go according to my plans, 
it helped (or rather, forced) me to grow. 
Has 2013 changed me? 

Let's see..

1. First wedding show
I have done quite a number of runway shows since I started in 2010, 
but it has been my dream to be able to walk for a wedding show! 
I'm 1.68m tall, which is actually short for runways.
 I prolly will never have the chance to do a wedding show if i was not a part of the NewPaperNewFace Alumni. Thankful! 

2. First time being a judge

I have taken part in a few competitions & pageants, 
but this year, I had a chance to be one of the judges for SMU Waikiki. It was just a small scale pageant. nevertheless, it was still an experience.

3. First sitcom 
Had my first involvement in a sitcom: The Recruit Diaries (阿兵新传). 
It was a different experience because sitcoms are different from dramas. It was more fast-paced!

4. First time having lessons in a hair salon
Due to my involvement for Gonna Make It (小小传奇), 
I had the chance to learn how to wash, blow & cut hair. It was an interesting experience!

5. First overseas trip alone for work
Thanks to Mary Kay, I had the chance to travel to Hong Kong to cover an event. 
I was the only representative from Singapore, so I traveled there alone. 
(But le buddy & his family joined afterwards for their holiday).

6. First time seeing snow!
Never expected myself to have the chance to experience snow so soon, but this recent trip to Hokkaido somehow turned out to be a turning point for me this year. It was this trip that helped me to see things in a better light, to be more positive, & allowed my otherwise-not-as-good 2013 to end on a positive note.

As I was typing this, I realized that although there were no great achievements this year, 
I had my first share of "first times".. 

So what are three main things I have learned from 2013?

Romper from DIDD (to be launched soon)

1. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
I admit I faced a few major setbacks this year, especially in the later part of 2013. 
Why? Expectations.
 Expectations kill. 
Sometimes, we somehow think that so long as we give our very best, 
we will get what we hope for. 
Apparently, reality tells us otherwise. 
You know that feeling when you gave your best,
you felt extremely hopeful that it would turn out the way you wanted,
but eventually ended with major disappointments because it turned out otherwise?
That feeling sucks.
But life is like that, full of surprises isnt it?
Hope for the best;
This is to remind myself to continue to be optimistic in life,
to remind myself to not allow setbacks to pull me away from the positive thoughts.
Optimism will not grant me ultimate success for sure,
but I know it gives me the additional moral boost that is much needed at most times,
it urges me to move forward in the direction that I want to head to.
Expect the worst;
That being said, I must always prepare myself to accept failures.
No matter how positive I may be,
there must always be a safety net to fall upon.
& when that happens,
instead of allowing myself to lose heart & give up,
I must learn from the failure & allow it to guide me to the next step towards my goal(s).
Easier said than done, but yes,
it can be done.

"Everyone has diff hopes for life. 
Some live for themselves, some for others. 
But there is no guarantee that our hopes will be realized. 
If the hope can never be realized, should one still be persistent? 
When a hope is realized, it brings happiness. 
The hope may be small but once it is realized, it seems like your life is suddenly full of hope. 
Hope may be intangible, but it is our spiritual support. 
Like air, our bodies cant do w/o air. 
Our hearts wont have the will to go on w/o hope.
We all want to realize our wishes. 
But life is not a bed of roses. 
Sometimes the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. 
No hope, & there's no pain. 
Hope may lead to pain; but at the same time, 
because there is hope, however the pain, we can endure it. 
So we can fear disappointment or pain, but we cannot lose hope."

2. Live in the moment
This cliche statement, shall be one of my two resolutions for 2014.
(the other one is to start doing voluntary work!!!)
I have always been someone who think alot,
& I always think about my future.
Precisely because I think too much,
sometimes I allow myself to become too emotional 
and worry too much about what will happen in the future,
& I end up neglecting my present,
& forget to enjoy what I already have.
"Why do we always allow the things that we do not have 
to affect how we feel about what we already have?"
The recent Hokkaido trip has truly reminded me to live in the moment.
During my trip, I did not think about work at all;
I did not worry about when my next assignment will come, etc.
It was prolly the first time in this year (or rather the recent years)
that I truly lived in the moment.
when I returned from the trip, I received two assignments immediately,
& one of the roles turned out to be one of my most satisfactory roles thus far.
It reminds me that often, the best things come unexpected.
So yes,
for the new year, I will constantly remind myself to live in the moment 
& not allow thoughts about the future to destroy my present.
(but of course, that doesnt mean that I should stop planning for the future.)

3.  To cherish
Yet another cliche phrase..
But this year has indeed reminded me once again to cherish my loved ones.
Amidst all the chaos, setbacks & superficiality,
my loved ones has never failed to be there to keep me sane.
They have been supportive all these while.
There was a period of time when I didn't share much about my work/life with my family & friends,
not because I didn't want to,
but because I was kind of angry and disappointed with myself that 
I have not been achieving what I want to,
& I just felt that I have nothing great to share,
so I ended up not talking as much to them,
even my mum..
I felt bad at the same time,
because I know I have not been spending enough quality time
yet at the same time I was kind of escaping.
I felt small about myself.
I don't really know how to describe that..
but it's prolly to the extent of
"I feel ashamed of myself that I could only do this much" thing.
I knew all along that as my loved ones,
they would never think of me that way,
& in fact, they would be glad to just hear about anything that I have to share.
But I just.. couldn't help wanting to 'escape'.
Until a certain point when I realized that,
"hey, it's time to stop the negativity.
They are here for me, always have been,
& I should cherish.
Cherish them, because life may take any of them away from me anytime,
& I really cannot take it for granted that 
they can be here for me always.

Despite 2013 not going according to how I planned it to be,
I am still glad that it has helped me to grow,
& helped me to see clearer of what I want & do not want in my life.

A mixture of optimism + uncertainty + anticipation + fear + hopeful = my last few thoughts of 2013.
Let go of the bad things that happened in 2013,
carry the good memories,
& look ahead with positive thoughts for 2014 :)
Hope for the best, expect the worst.

Happy New Year! 

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