f Five Hundred & Twenty One; Alone vs Lonely


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Five Hundred & Twenty One; Alone vs Lonely

February 17, 2013 /

Few days ago, buddy and I were randomly discussing about the topic of 
Alone vs Lonely.

Both of us have the same views and are completely fine with spending time alone.
In fact, as much as we love spending time together, we also enjoy our "ME" time a lot..

I told him, when I was working as a part-time receptionist after O-levels,
I had to lunch alone because my lunch hour is one hour before my colleagues'.
I had friends working around the area, 
but I preferred to eat alone during that short one hour break.
On some of the days,
I headed to the swimming pool between Suntec City Tower 1 & 2,
took a short swim, washed up, grab some quick bites & got back to work.
On some days, I shopped around alone.
On other days, I headed to the food court & enjoyed my meal alone.
Own time own target, I like.
When I told my friends about it, they were amazed 
at how I could survive the lunch hour alone.
I was amazed by the fact that they were amazed..
I love spending time with my close friends & family members,
but at the same time, I actually really enjoy spending some alone time.

When I am on my own,
I feel that I experience more things, and discover more about myself.

Buddy mentioned that he also has friends 
who are uncomfortable with eating or shopping alone,
while he is one of those who can randomly walk in to Astons 
and just sit down and enjoy his meal,
& he enjoys shopping alone too.

He also added,
"some people tend to mix up the meaning of being alone as being lonely.
but no! being alone doesn't necessary mean being lonely.
Perhaps some of them lack this certain confidence in themselves so they constantly need to be around people to feel comfortable.."

I don't know if you've felt the same as me; 
I find that when I am around certain people, 
especially when there are many of them,
I tend to shut off a little, and keep many thoughts to myself,
or even stop thinking.
I just don't feel that I can talk about many things to them.

In such situation, I can't wait to "escape" 
and would rather be alone than with a group of people 
that I am not comfortable with at all,
no matter how much laughter they may be having.

It's true that at some time, we have experience loneliness.
But it's not healthy to allow yourself to feel that way all the time.
You'll be depending on other people to make or break your mood,
you'll be depending on others to make you happy.
& that's really unhealthy..

Here are two articles which I found, and would like to share!

Alone vs Lonely: What's the Difference?

Alone is taking a break from the pressures of your social circle, 
happy to stay at home for a while and simply recharge. 
It is ordering food, choosing a movie that you’ve been wanting to see forever, 
and cuddling up with as many pillows as you want to take for yourself. 
It is feeling the satisfaction of selfishness, 
the refreshing reprieve from having to take others’ concerns into account. 
It is being as informal and messy as you want to be, 
happy in the knowledge that no one will be there to judge you 
if you don’t get to the dishes right after you finish eating.

Lonely is allowing this freedom from judgment to take root in your life, 
to become a reason to let things go. 
It is dishes piling up in the sink, a bed going unmade for days, 
the same greasy meal being ordered 
from the same takeout place every night for an entire week. 
It is losing perspective of other people to the point 
that your entire world narrows down to you 
and exactly what you’re doing in that moment.

When you are lonely, 
you are looking for someone or something to fill your time, 
to fill the void in your schedule and to fill a void in your heart. 
You are longing for something that does not exist anymore, 
or maybe never existed in some cases. 
You hope for company and feel depressed when you are by yourself. 
Loneliness is a negative state of mind where you are always longing for the other. 
Never satisfied being by yourself and always looking elsewhere for fulfillment
Alone is a positive state of mind, a very fulfilling place to be. 
It is a state where you are always and constantly delighted in yourself. 
It is blissful, happiness, content with nothing, and peaceful. 
You do not rely on anyone but yourself to feel alone, and you are happy being alone. 
You have found yourself, and you are living happily with yourself.

Now that we have the differences out of the way, what does this mean to you? 

Lonely is a feeling you would probably come up 
against right after a break up, divorce, separation, distance, etc. 
The contact you had with another is no longer there, 
but you are wishing and longing for it. 
You are wanting it so bad that it affects you. You are lonely. 
The ideal next step for this time in your life is to 
hopefully overcome this unbearable sad feeling of being lonely, 
and move into a more peaceful alone. 
Here you find everything you need, perfectly happy to live, eat, play by yourself. 
Relying on only yourself, you become a more fulfilled person for you. 
You become everything you need for you. 
You are finding and defining who you are while you are alone.
Before you can start another relationship, whether it be a friend, 
you must first learn the joy and see the bliss of alone. 
If you search for someone or something to fill the void of your loneliness, 
you will find the exact same thing. 
Another person who is lonely and looking to fill a void. 
No one should start a relationship of any kind while they are lonely. 
It is an equation for failure which will push you to start over on your own journey of loneliness. 
Once you are alone and are perfectly happy with your alone, 
it is only then that one might open their eyes 
to the possibility of another relationship. 
You will naturally be attracted to someone else who is alone. 
You will find an equal to you, 
not someone who adds or subtracts something from you. 
You will share so many things in common, 
because you overcame loneliness and found your bliss being alone. 
Now, you are able to share this with another who has accomplished the same.
Lonely is referred to as a bad feeling, 
but it is one that is worth every part of the pain to allow you to reach your alone. 
Here in your alone, you will find yourself, 
a person you may have never thought you were. 
A person who is capable of so many things you may have never thought possible. 
The answer always lies within you; your happiness, bliss, joy and nirvana are within you naturally. All we have to do is close our eyes and open up to our heart, energy and breath.

I hope that some of you will find this post useful..
Starting from now, 
learn to love yourself more 
and spend more time with yourself!
When you can love yourself more,
accept and enjoy the time you spend with yourself,
you'll learn to love the people around you more.
Cliche, but it's really true. :)

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, 
deserve your love and affection.”

- Buddha

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