f Two Hundred & Ninety One.


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Two Hundred & Ninety One.

January 5, 2011 /

"From that moment I wasn't angry anymore...

Kids, you may think your only choices
are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face,

but there's a third option: You can just let it go,
and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.

And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story.

It just wasn't mine.
Mine was still out there, waiting for me."

-Future Ted, HIMYM (S4E06)

Currently enjoying my semester break very much.

So much so that I can't imagine
how terrible I'll feel when the last semester begins.

& worst of all,

I am very, very afraid of the release of results.

for the past 2.5 yrs,
I've only been worrying about whether I can get the GPA that I wanted,
whether I can get my As or at least B+,
whether I can keep up with my mates,
whether I can get at least a second-upper honors,
& towards my last yr in uni,
I only worry about whether I can get an honor class.
Passing the modules was never an issue,
it was only about how well I'd fare.

But now,

for the first time,

I worry if I'll pass one of my core modules.
yes, for the first time,
I have such strong instinct that I may even fail one mod.
& you know what,
my sixth sense has never failed me,
most of the times.
so you know how terrible it feels?
you feel me?
you probably don't.

My good friends have been very supportive,

all along.

& I'm thankful for them, really.

they always tell me that,
I was already very smart & capable enough to get into NTU,
& what's more, Accountancy in NBS (Nanyang Business School),
one of the best courses, & one of the recognised schools.
& that many people wish to get into this course,
but were unable to.
& that getting a Bach Deg in Accountancy in NBS was good enough,
nevermind about the Honors class.
Few years down the road,
who really cares about the cert, really?

I agree that I was lucky to get into NBS.
But that, wasn't enough for me.

I thought I could do so much better.

I'm a totally competitive person,
if you know me well enough.
I rmbr blogging about it before here.

I wanted to do well so so badly,

not for anyone else, but myself.

It's this pride deep within,
you know?
Okay maybe not just myself,
I wanted to do well for my Mummee too.

I've now come to the last semester of my uni life.

I don't know how I can handle if i really fail the module.

but as everyone says,
Come what may.

pretty nothing much that I can do now,

except to pray for the best.

I know I've been studying hard,
I know I've done the best that I could.

Maybe, I'm just thinking too much,
as always.
Maybe you think, that I've just placing too much stress on myself.
Maybe you think, that I'm just placing high expectations.
But right now,
I just pray,
that I can pass every single module & elective this semester.
I don't dare to dream about obaining at least a GPA of __ anymore.
I, just wna pass.

  1. just do ur best, let God do the rest. =) u ARE a smart girl. jiayou!

  2. hello, your fellow swimmer here! :)

    perhaps i will be the only one to post an equally pessimistic comment right here hahaha.

    actually i feel you... uni has also been the very first time in my life that i've felt so helpless because sometimes i know deep down that no matter how much you slog for some modules/tasks/etc, you just can't surpass/be on par with some of your peers and you will still end up at the lower end.

    and no, it doesnt mean that i've stopped slogging but it's just the matter of repeatedly lowering my expectations of myself bit by bit since the start. even though i began thinking that i could do so much better if i were to focus and do it well for my uni years.

    perhaps we might end up with truly average GPA at the end of uni but let's hope we'll find happiness with what we're doing for our working lives after graduation.

    and if we don't (because of the GPA), then we'll just have to keep on trying and go on with life! i mean, for that we'll have an entire life to do so. not just constrained by the 3/4 years that we had to make the best out of. that's what i've been psycho-ing myself with to keep me going!

    in any case, i wish that you'll pass that module you're worried for!! and all the best for your last semester up ahead :)

  3. Anonymous; thanks for your encouragement! :) :)

    Fellow swimmer; hahah I knew you'll feel me :) well, Im pretty sure that years down the road, we wont even bother much about the GPA at all, but it's just that we still wna TRY, because the least that we can do, is to try. :}

    Keep trying, & never give up alright?!