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Two Hundred & Eighty.

December 9, 2010 /




As you know,
I'm someone who is very sensitive,
someone who thinks alot,
sometimes, too much for my own good.


The stress & pressure that Im facing now,
is not by anyone else,
but myself.
I tend to think that my relatives will look down on me
if I don't do well in uni.
I tend to think that I wouldn't be able to do my Mum proud,
if I don't do well in uni.
I tend to think that I'm sucha disappointment,
because I've been excelling all along since O Levels & A Levels,
but now in uni,
I just feel nothing but inferior.
I tend to think that in uni,
hard work do not pay off.
Because despite the hard work for the past 2 yrs,
results prove otherwise.

So tonight,
as I lay on my Mummee's laps,
(something which I always do, even at the age of 21)

I told her,
(for the Nth time)
I'm afraid I can't do you proud..
no fantastic results in uni at all..

her reply,
"你孝顺,就让我骄敖了。
能读大学,
就让我骄敖了。
又不是说很容易读。”

then, I continued,
it really isnt like I always go out & shop/play/club/have fun,
that's why my results aren't fantastic.
In fact, I stay home most of the times during school semesters.
It's either photoshoots or home or bf's.
I don't even meet up much with my closest friends.
Ask Wylie, HuiMin, Jesley, Amily, Yi Chun.
I have not met up with my Buddy, Joey for eons.
I told her,
I've already been trying my best, all along..
I just can't perform in exams..

Her simple reply,
made my heart melt instantly.

"我知道。 老妈知道就好了。
知道你很努力,很用功。
尽力就好。
要相信自己,不要一直说 ‘不可以’。
要对自己有信心。
尽力就好了。”

I teared immediately.
& as I'm typing this,
I'm tearing as well.

Such great love..
So.. priceless..

This is not the first time she managed to pull me up,
at the very moment when I feel that I'm falling apart.

Here

& once again,
this, is love.

  1. don pressurise yourself too much :) you are ordy vgreat vwell balanced in evrything :) jus study normally n you'll do well :):)

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  2. hello teeko!! i still lie on my mom's laps too! and daddy likes to lie down with his head on my back when im lying ont eh floor playing with phone or itouch! hahaha.

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  3. i am the random anonymous ajc junior who commented on your formspring, been reading your blog once in a while! :)

    sigh just wanted to say that I REALLY SHARE YOUR WOES HERE.

    it's quite coincidental but i have been facing the exact same problem as you! all the thinking, self-pressurizing and tremendous efforts put in that sadly yields no results.. been scraping past with mediocre grades. and i do have encouraging parents as well but it's just mentally and physically draining at times like this when you ponder about it.

    i know i don't sound very rational now, perhaps because i just got back part of my results for the sem that just passed... pretty discouraging again. so sometimes i wonder if we've reached our limits? because it seems like the amount of effort that we put in yields relatively similar average results over and over again.. :(

    my apologies if this dampens your mood..

    but i am not giving up and quitting school, and i am sure you are not giving up either right!

    guess my major problem is how i've just lost the *extra* bit of drive and motivation to keep myself striving and hoping for the results. hate it but it seems like im slowly accepting the fact that i will go through my university life with such mediocre grades.

    what do you feel about all that i've said? T_T

    in any case, all the best for your coming exams babe!! :)

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  4. anonymous1; are you dear jesley?!?! heheheh ;D thks anw.. hmmm expectations i guess.....

    anonymous2 aka TEEKO!!! your daddy is damn cute, as always! I can imagine your whole family in living room, all cosy :)

    anonymous3; hey thr! i rmbr you :) of course i wont give up nor quit sch! im in my final yr already.. just last lap.. & all that you've said, are exactly how i can relate myself to as well.
    the fact that our parents are not pressurizing us do not reduce the fact that we still set expectations for ourselves.. not sure if you've read my FunkyGrad interview before, because as mentioned, I was really really down in Uni Yr 1.. but of course not to the extreme state of 'depression' yet! ;p

    but yea.. semesters after semesters, I guess the feeling of 'numbness' starts getting into me. not exactly numb, yet. I still feel sad, I still cry. yes I do.
    But I guess, the thing is, as much as we tell ourselves that we shan't bother too much abt the results, at the same time, we still cant stop studying altogether. we still get bothered by the results. we still wna study hard during exam period. & you know what? that's a good thing. :)

    it still beats leaving the examination hall feeling all regretful that you gave up w/o even trying. get my drift? :)

    thks for your wishes! & jiayou for your remaining semesters. just keep swimming! :)

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  5. i cry a little when things get too draining as well! high five babe :) haha yup i do get what you mean regarding trying our best though...

    guess we'll only be truly satisfied if the results do reflect the efforts that we put in.
    but yeap thanks for the encouragement!!

    it's really your last lap so i wish for the best for you as well!

    *like your swimming analogy! :)

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