f One Hundred & Seventy Nine.


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One Hundred & Seventy Nine.

April 20, 2010 /


this is a purely random post. i'm currently in the shuttle bus heading back to school to settle some administrative stuff & to print the whole piles of exam notes. currently, I'm happily sipping my coffee ice blended w/o sugar syrup from Sweet Talk. yes, Starbucks is heavenly, no doubt. but i just felt it's way over priced & prolly too overrated.

i have no idea why, many ppl out thr often mistook me for being 'too complicated'. is it because of my job scope? because im working as a free-lance model? we all know how scary & complicated things can get in the modeling/media industry, but does tt mean tt every member involved is as complicated & as demanding? stereotype, yes/no?

(okay im now in sch's FAL, using my lappy to type instead.)

i've mentioned abt this to my buddy before, someone who've known me for the twelfth year. & he once told me, it was prolly because i somehow portrayed/expressed myself as someone really complicated with lotsa issues in mind, but deep down, i'm just one really simple girl. & only those close to me or know me well enough, can see the latter.

exactly, tt's the point.. i cant control how others think of me. all i can do, is to always present the real me. & for that, i dare to say that, im proud of myself, for still being able to not lose myself even as i slowly climb higher in this industry.

i wouldnt ever say that ive not changed. for i did. as we know, change is the only constant. i'll be a big fat liar if i were to say that im still exactly the same kohhuishan whom you know 3 years ago.
but at least i would like to think that ive changed for the better.
I've changed in terms of appearance, no doubt. & ive grown, mentally as well. im still as straightforward, but ive toned down quite a lot, even tho i still speak my honest mind all the time.
but well, these were not pure results of being in the modeling line. in fact, i would say, it was majorly because of the things that ive experienced in my daily life.
all of us do grow up, one day.

im still the same girl, who gets really satisfied with the simple pleasures.

you may have your Starbucks daily;
& im happy with my < $1.50 bubble tea.
you may yearn to indulge in your B&J ice cream;
while I eagerly head downstairs to the mama shop for my $0.80 ice cream stick.
you may pamper yourself with Gelare or Udders Waffles with ice cream;
while I seek for the traditional $0.90 waffles from any bakery.
you may look forward to a luxurious dinner treat at some high class restaurant;
while I will choose my Mummee's simple home cooked food, anytime.
you may use up all your savings to purchase your desired branded bags;
while I happily stick with my < $50 ones.
you may enjoy shopping during your free times;
while I prefer to stay home for a quiet day enjoying a good storybook & listening to music or quality times with my loved ones.
you may be dreaming of Europe, USA, Paris, France, etc etc;
while I secretly wish to be able to take my first flight, to anywhere, so long as I paid with it with my own savings, & best still, to be on board with Mum, who has never taken the plane as well.
you may go for retail therapy to cheer yourself up;
but all that I'll need, is a real tight hug when I'm down, or a simple sms esp from my closer frns.

i may appear to be strong & independent, but at the end of the day, i would say, im still a woman/lady girl who needs my pillars of support (Mum & close frns).
& yes, I'm still a girl, who yearn to be loved not just by my family & frns, but also by a special someone, who will accept & love me for who I am, and will be here to give me a real tight & comforting hug & to catch me when I fall.

in time to come, if ever, you feel that ive changed for the worse, pls do tell me. because i may not notice the change at all. i need your help, in guiding me along the path.
im still learning, learning to shape myself into the best person that i can be. cliche much, but really, i dont aim for perfection, but i aim to be the best that i can be.

last but not least, to my close frns & khakis, who have been with me all the time to share my moments of joy, to share my sorrows, to hear my rants, & have been right beside me through so many years, i am really grateful, & I do treasure & cherish our friendship a lot a lot. & i love you all so much that I really wish that these bonds will last forever.
so, many more years of frnship ahead okie? :)
P.S yes to the closer ones, stop laughing at me for this random post & dont say im emo-ing!! ;D

& for now, im gna start to print all my notes!!!

keep smiling, keep going. :)

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