Seventy Seven.

"We begin life with few obligations.

We pledge allegiance to the flag.

We swear to return our library books.

But as we get older we take vows, make promises,

get burden by commitments,

to do no harm,

to tell the truth and nothing

but, to love, to cherish till death do us part.

So we just keep running up the tap

'til we owe everything to everybody and suddenly ...

what the."

Seventy Five.

Sun: slept for 3 hrs,
ytd: slept @ 430am
tdy: woke @ 645am.

total = 5 hrs of slp for two nights.

no nap in the afternoon cause '

no free time + no seats on the journey home+hall nball frnly just now. still surviving.

but guess i shld really go slp now else i cant tahan the 830am-630pm tmr.
okay great im left with 4&half hrs of slp now.

but thinking of the 3grp projects+1 individual report+ 1 individual presentation+ 3 tests next week,

HOW TO SLP? exams are just less than 3 wks away. NO TIME NO TIME

I really wna study for my tax nao.......................

Seventy Four.

"We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go fort the horror movies. We cut things open. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes. Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about."

- Meredith Grey.

okay so what are my recent updates?

1. locked in NTU's toilet cubicle for the handicapped, with rescue from Jeong & Joseph, plus a 'rescue team'.

2. locked in my OWN hse, in sis's room. had to call for locksmith. the number on the receipt for the new lock came out right on the same night & we didnt buy it. zzzz max.

okay yes so that was Shan being locked twice in a row in a week. lucky or lucky?!

I cant wait for Fri cause my princess aka my niece will be back in Spore! YES AH!

my entries are getting real disorganized & untidy but bear with it okay. yes/no?

simple reasons/excuses: no time + no happenings!

I just miss my khakis & my buddies & my ghosts very much.

last but not least, I'm back to dark brown hair!

looking sorta oriental now. :)

ending off with another interesting para to share:

" We like to think that we are rational beings; humane, conscientious, civilized, thoughtful.

But when things fall apart, even just a little,

it becomes clear we are not better than animals.

We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream,

but deep down we are still routing around in the primodial ooze;

biting, clawing, scratching out an existence in the cold, dark world like the rest of the tree-toads and sloths.

There’s a little animal in all of us

and maybe that’s something to celebrate.

Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with.

We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still as humans we can find ways to feel free.

We are each other’s keepers,

we are the guardians of our own humanity

and even though there’s a beast inside all of us,

what sets us apart from the animals is that

we can think, feel, dream and love.

And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve."

seventy three.

From Elvin Ng's blog:

"One of the advantages of going out alone is that you do not have to accomodate others. You do not have to smile, you do not have to make small talk, you do not have to spare a thought for others. And that was what I experienced when I went to the movies myself, went to the night market myself, went to the pub to listen to the live band myself, went to eat chicken rice balls myself. All the time for yourself. All focus on yourself. Finding yourself. Almost an indulgence. It was a good feeling. Did it once. Did it again. Will continue to do so from time to time.

Why? Because sometimes you are so tired of smiling and trying to be nice to others when others do not try to smile or be nice to you. Not a saint but you know you have tried to be good to others but others do not seem to try to be good to you; in fact, they begin to think you are a pushover. When every good seems to be forgotten and each bad remembered. When a sheet of white paper with a black dot is noticed only for its black dot. When whatever credit you thought you might have built up counts for nothing really.

I really don’t want to be calculative. But I really don’t want to be too accomodating either. How many can you accomodate in your life? How many would you like to accomodate in your life? Seriously, people who matter. I don’t want to be too accomodating. I’ll keep this at the back of my head. And continue to be the same, the way I deem right."

well said, totally.

seventy two.

reports to rush,
& then presentation week just TWO WEEKS before exams.
which means we're left with one week to study for 4 modules.

its not abt time mgmt anymore, its abt the the NBS's TIME TABLE SCHEDULING SYSTEM.

seriously, good game.

how to study?! & my tests so far = f.l.o.p. max.

its not abt optimism anymore too.

its only die, or die terribly.

yea, how now brown cow.

mega stressed.
okay stressed is just desserts spelt backwards.
presentation tmr,
no.more.flopping.pls.

anw im like the chameleon, with fading/changing hair colour every single day as the red/orange/purple fades.

say bye to red head soon. die die must dig out some time to dye back my hair to dark brown..

okay bye ppl! to you you you & you, ADD OIL!
hang on!

if Shine can survive, so can you. :)

Seventy One.

From Mel's Blog:

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before, she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She’s not perfect - you aren’t either,

and the two of you may never be perfect together

but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice,

and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her

and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,

but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break

- her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze

and don’t expect more than she can give.

Smile when she makes you happy,

let her know when she makes you mad,

and miss her when she’s not there.”

— Bob Marley

Seventy.

5n case y64 are w6nder5ng what the he33 a0 5 typ5ng ab64t,
0y frea25ng 2eyb6ard 5s sp653t!!!!!!!!
when 5 typed the 3etters, 5t ca0e 64t as n40vers!!!

WHAT THE HE33 5s WR6NG W5TH 5t///
5f y64 can 4nderstand what 50 typ5ng,
p3s dr6p a 0sg 5n the tagb6ard,
5 w643d 352e t6 2n6w wh6 y64 are,
and what spec5a3 p6wers y64 have.
zzzzzz.
gna repa5r 5t 3ater,
14st bef6re 0y acc64nt5ng test!

Sixty Nine.

I predict an even more hectic week ahead.
Mad rush, mad cycles all over agn.
The projects are getting tougher & more requirements are needed.
Tell me, how do we start revision when the final exam is like in
one month time?
I think our last proj ends just 2 weeks before exam or so.

Just as I was chatting with James on MSN ytd,
the more I study, the more I'll question myself why am I even in Accountancy to begin with.
why am I making myself suffer so much?
& everyday, I'd just question myself continuously,
Am I just not smart enough?
Am I just not capable enough?

The inferiority never faded once, since Yr 1 Day 1.
I know, I've told myself, & some others ard me,
to not compare yourself with the others ard,
who are really smart & capable.
just set my/your own standards & target..
Nevertheless, it's inevitable to feel inferior, isnt it?

what's more, I'm actually a very competitive person.
but right now, it's like,
I dont even the right/capability to be competitive in the first place.

To the extent that, I've become ever more conscious of what I speak,
because somehow,
I just feel that everything that I say,
or try to contribute during discussions,
it feels stupid somehow.
I cant even express myself properly/clearly now.

This, was not how I used to be.
I used to be able to lead quite well,
to be able to present my presentations/speeches confidently,
& most importantly, the confidence in me which used to exist naturally,
seems to be long gone..

Am I just not up to it?
Oh well, the fact that I manage to do well for O levels, A Levels,
& then got myself a place in NTU(NBS) Accountancy,
shows that I still deserve to be where I am today right?

Even though I strongly believe that,
I'd be able to survive in the working society at the end of th
e day..
& that it's no pt getting GPA 5.0 & straight As for the 3 yrs,
graduating with first class honours,
but end up flopping & not be able to deal with ppl ard you in the work place,
which ultimately is the next impt phase of our lives.
at the end of the day, who cares abt that degree?
(maybe it matters, only at the beg of your career)
it's really how you perform & allow yourself to shine,
your capability aint based on merely that cert..

but still, i really want to graduate with a good honours degree..
It's just tt, I cant instill that "Heck Care" attitude in me..
but Uni made me realise that,
effort do not pay off all the time..

in any case, on a lighter note,
im gg for first blood donation tmr!
hopefully I can meet the criterias/requirements.. ;p

anw, Ive so so so many ppl whom I'll really wna meet up with..
I really miss them loads.
but seems like I really dont have the time to.
Do I really hafta endure all the way til 25th Nov?!

terrible shit.......

okayokay bottomline is,
i think i still do not regret choosing this course..
at the end of the day,
im still seeking for stability, & a great income.
the fact that Ive already chosen this path,
Imma make the best outta it.
climb, climb, climb up the ladder,
is still what i'd be aiming for my career in future.
slog for the first few years like nobody's biz,
& enjoy later.

as the chinese saying goes,
"先甜后苦，苦更苦；
先苦后甜，甜更甜。”

In any case,
I think & I'd like to believe that,
I'm still very much an optimistic & motivated person :)

Sixty Eight.

"We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are."

-Meridith Grey

Sixty Seven.

Hello I've been surviving on 3-4hours slp daily for the past week

& I havent been able to study.

this cnt go on.

I must manage my time even better........
but sometimes, things are just within our control. isnt it?

Sixty Seven.

you know what you know what?!

tdy marks the end of my recess week!!!!!!!!!
which didnt even feltel like recess week to begin with.

currently, i've 4 projects on hand.
apparently, this whole week, i met up with nobody except my proj mates.
have been so busy the whole week with projs, tuition, casting, the NK Hairworks photoshoot & i dont know what.
all I know is, I didnt get to stay at home for a single full day.
the only day I finally got to relax at home was tdy,
& it wasnt even one whole day. reached home @ 5+pm.
(i'll tell you what I did tdy, later part)


this was how i spent my last night for this recess week:
dinner; immediately dozed off on sofa for an hr; cycled to buy BBtea+roti prata;
bathed; online.

boring? you're so wrong. this is the kinda life I really enjoy at times.
HAHAH you know how I love staying at home.
im a super home-y person, if you dont alr know.

Life's simple pleasures.
(cant emphasize any further how I love this phrase)

somehow, I feel really fortunate just to be able to do these simple things,
such as:

going to the market in the mrng with Mummee,
dozing off on sofa,
sitting in front of the TV,
enjoying a plate of fruits with yoghurt,
snacking on my rice crackers,
going for my jogs,
sipping BB tea,
reading storybooks, mags,
cooking dinner tgt with her,
blah3.
my ideal perfect Sunday.

I've not been able to enjoy such times for a v long time..
& for all I know, coming Sunday there's canvassing event:
Car Washing for CURL'10,
& then wedding dinner at night.
& another wedding dinner the following Sunday.

sometimes, it's just the simplest things
that we cant afford to have the time to do.
& often, we tend to overlook the simple things in our lives.
simplicity, is what im trying to highlight here.

OH! i did meet up with my khakis, Min & Jesley, + Ahbei!
albeit it being a short 1+ hr meetup.
& what did we do?
PLAYED CANDLES! :)
they are my laughing pills, no doubt.
helped me de-stress!
but ironically, we are the depressed gang.
hahah

aunty shine & AUNTY SEAH

Ahbei, the hardworking bee

Jesley, my BBtea khaki too!

PEARLY PEARL!

& ytd, I met my dear girl, Paige, aka les partner,
@ the Velocity Ad casting. :)
I really hope you've been taking care of yourself & eating well..
I know your bf takes really gd care of you,
but you must take gd care of yourself too aye!!

as for what I did tdy,
okie I headed down to Toni & Guy @ Heeren,
to let them have a look at my hair,
to see if it's "do-able" for their Hairshow this coming Thurs.
But sad thing is,
the red that I have currently, makes it diff to bring out the colour
that they wanted for the theme,
even if they re-dye my hair.. :(
it'll definitely be great to be able to be their hair model!!
sucha pity.
nevertheless, they took down my details for future opportunities,
& even offered to tone down my hair colour for me.
really nice of them.!
But I didnt, cause I had already planned to head down to NK Hairworks
for my treatment & removal of the fake nails..
sucha pity agn!
hopefully I'll get to work with them soon :)

anw, Kevin(from NK) told me abt this grand event @ Taka
coming up in Jan 2010.. EXCITED!
hope all goes well & I'll still be involved for the show. ;p

okiedokie. off to do some research now!
busybusy week ahead agn!

anw, as I may not be blogging much,
you can follow me on Twitter. ;p
where I always shoutout random comments & random updates!